HOLIDAY HOPE: PART 3

Part 3

HOLIDAY HOPE

PART 3

Tonight is the night of the benefit to honor the man, Ryan’s best friend and partner in the firehouse, who passed away from smoke inhalation during a house fire where he managed to save everybody else, including a dog and cat, but did not survive the fire himself.

Abbie slides the long black dress over her head and slips her arms through the spaghetti straps. She was asked to speak, as a grief counselor and mentor to the group of about 75 people to talk about how through the holidays we can manage to get through the tough moments while still missing and honoring our loved ones.

She was nervous, and excited. I hope I can give others some hope in this holiday season. It’s been tough on me, myself and I, I wonder if anything I can say will help the friends of this man, this George? Especially his wife and children. So sad, she thought to herself. Ugh, this lipstick shade is all wrong! She thought as she looked at herself in the mirror.

She was still barefoot; she wasn’t sure which dressy shoes to wear. She didn’t want to look sexy or anything, but she wanted to look her best. She chose a pair of open toed Mary Jane patent leather pumps. That completed her look, but first she had to fix her lipstick. She had a red colored lipstick on, and she wanted to tone it down and do more of a nude lip. Her eyes were done up with the wing tipped eyeliner in each corner eyelid and she had a soft mauve blush on from Nars cosmetics. Her skin looked dewy all the same, and she looked great. Even I can say that! She thought in her head. She smiled.

It was genuine. She checked to make sure she didn’t have lipstick on her teeth and grabbed her small black Nine West sparkle evening bag. She had packed an extra lipstick and mascara earlier, her wallet and keys and her cell phone. She was ready to go. Oh, and Chapstick! She could never go anywhere without some original cherry Chapstick.

After putting on her coat and locking up the townhouse, she climbed into her red Nissan Rogue. She took a deep breath. “Let’s do this,” she said out loud to her empty car. She frowned. If only there was someone else to share this moment with. “Mom, I know you’re here, please help me tonight and guide me in guiding these people. Amen!” she said the prayer in a whisper. Praying to her mother was something she did here and there, and it seemed to make her feel better. She did it often and it also seemed to work, when she thought back, it always had.

As she arrived, dozens of cars were parked in the lot. She parked and started the trek in her heels to the front of the lobby where she was to meet Ryan. She saw him standing there in his black tie and his electrifying eyes, and big grin on his face. He looks happy, despite the purpose of this benefit, she thought to herself. Good. He needs to be, deserves to be after all he has been going through.

She walked up to him clutching her little black bag and said hello.

“Hey there, Abbie!” he said directly to her, then touched her arm and said to the small crowd of people standing in the lobby, others had already walked in and gone to their tables. “And this ladies and gentlemen, is our guest of honor. This is Abbie, she is our keynote speaker tonight.” He smiled and waited for her to say something next.

“Yes, hi. Hello, I am Abigail Trevors and I am a grief support counselor at the Grief and Wellness Center in Lanstown. Hope to be an asset to you all this evening,” she stated.

“Yes, that is how we met. I went to a grief group which has been very helpful. Three sessions in and I am a changed man! I feel a little bit better in understanding my grief journey,” Ryan stated.

“That’s wonderful,” Abbie said to him. She looked directly at his handsome face and waited for him to say whatever he wanted to next. Instead, he was quiet and then after a beat passed he pointed to the table in the lobby with folded name cards.

“That’s where the place cards are. You will be seated at my table,” Ryan said to Abbie.

“Wonderful. I’ll go ahead and find my table and meet you in there,” Abbie smiled.

It had been a quick 6 days since she had seen Ryan last, but she had been on the phone with him off and on discussing the benefit for his friend, the fallen fire fighter. After the dinner she was going to discuss a few key topics in what she had discovered in her own grief journey as well as in helping others. Abbie had decided she didn’t want to discuss too much in detail her mother’s death but wanted to focus on finding the silver linings that lie in the everyday parts of her life that have helped her to better understand her higher purpose.

She was looking forward to speaking. She was also looking forward to the meal, she was starving!

I wonder what is on the menu tonight. Probably shrimp cocktail and maybe something else. Hopefully the chicken she selected would be tasty. She didn’t waste a second on doubt that it would be.

The place the benefit was being held was sort of on the fancier end, hence the dress and heels and makeup and swept up hair. She had styled her hair herself even though she had considered heading to the beauty salon to get it done up in a French twist. She thought it would look more elegant without all that hairspray and goop.

She started to walk in and found her table, table 2. Ryan had put his winter coat on a chair, and she pulled her coat off and laid it on the chair next to his. She thought it best to sit next to him, she wasn’t sure if anyone else would be either.

During their short conversations on the phone, she had discovered he lived alone, no wife or children of his own, yippee, just like me! She thought and giggled to herself. She fought the urge to roll her eyes at her own internal joke at her expense. She assumed Ryan wasn’t bringing another guest, she was his guest, even if they came separately. She stopped her internal monologue and overthinking. “Just go with it Abbie,” she said under her breath to herself.

“Excuse me?” the woman sitting across the table asked her.

“Oh, sorry! Just thinking out loud. Hello there.” Abbie replied.

“Hi.” The woman said with a tight-lipped smile. Two young children were on either side of her. A boy and a girl.

That must be the widow, Abbie thought. She is stunning. The woman had on a long red silk dress with an overlay that hung over a black dress with roses in whites and pinks all over it. She looked beautiful. Her hair was tied up in a bun and no makeup was on her face. The tight-lipped smile looked like it may have come from a bit of crying.

A man then came up to the widow and said hi and hugged her and then sat down.

That must be George’s brother. Abbie was putting the pieces together of the benefit guests trying to determine who was who in her mind. She could have just asked, but suddenly felt shy as she realized the only other soul in the room she knew was Ryan.

She sat down and took out her speech which was on her phone. She had typed the key topics down in a text box to herself, she wanted to speak more from the heart tonight than anything else. She didn’t want to come off as too formal. Grief isn’t linear, neither is it formal. She wanted to come off as someone who not only works with grief and people dealing with it but has managed to come to grips with her own grief as well. Because, well, she was that person.

After a few moments, Ryan came in the room and sat down. He was the arranger of the benefit. She could understand why he was so busy. After a few minutes had passed, the fire chief of the fire company went to the podium in front of the room and asked everyone to “please find your seats and join us in prayer” and then he urged everyone to find their seats.

After everyone was seated, Dave, the fire chief’s name was, Abbie would come to learn spoke.
“May everyone please join us in a prayer, for Lydia and for little Steven and Kara who are with us tonight and for everyone in this room and all those lives that George our fire house lieutenant had blessed. Dear God, in this most spiritual of times, during the holidays, we ask that you bless us all and George’s family and bring peace and light to all of us in this room. May your strength and will guide us and may you bless this great meal we are going to have together in honor of George and the great work he did for us and the great sacrifice he made for those who survived the fire he did not survive. Because of him, and his great work, we are here today. Thank you, George. Thank you to God. Praise be to God,” Dave spoke.

Wow, what a lovely prayer. Anddddd, he is choked up. Abbie could see the tears starting to spill down Dave’s face as he finished saying the prayer. Ryan then stood up.

“Thank you, Dave, for saying those beautiful words and leading us in prayer,” he said. “Thank you all for being here. After dinner tonight we will have a speaker, Abigail Trevors, who is a grief and loss counselor and has some words of advice to share with us as she not only has suffered her own great losses but has worked with those of us suffering with the effects of losing someone as well. Now, let’s eat.”

The house salads came around, then a small cup of lobster bisque soup and an appetizer for the table of fresh shrimp and cocktail and tartar sauces. There were breads too. All different kinds, including zucchini and pumpkin that Abbie thought had a nice rich flavor. For dinner Abbie had the chef’s chicken marsala with fresh mushrooms and a little bit of cheese over the house’s own pasta penne. Everything was tasty.

Once Abbie could see that everyone was finishing up their meals, she turned to a solemn and quiet Ryan, who hadn’t said much all night. Lost in his own world, she thought. “Hey, I am going to freshen up in the bathroom, and then I’ll be ready to talk.”

“Go for it,” Ryan forcefully smiled back. He looked very sad Abbie noticed. She expected that.

She ran-walked to the women’s bathroom which had a row of 10 stalls each with its own wooden door and latch. Fancy, she couldn’t help but think to herself. She wanted to reapply her lipstick and make sure she looked presentable before she spoke in front of the crowd of what were eager faces, awaiting her as she walked back into the room.

Smiles and some frowns, she noticed. All, to be expected.

She didn’t head back to table 2. I got this, she thought as she walked right up to the podium and tapped the microphone to make sure it was on, and she started to talk...

To open with she began discussing how she got involved in the grief center, when she had her own grief counselor there after her mother passed away 4 years ago. In her thirties, she said she found it hard to navigate her new normal without her “best friend” … her mother. She needed help. The layers upon layers of grief can become like a nightmare, one that most can’t handle alone she explained. She was grateful she had the courage to do what she needed to do: to ask for help. And that she did, and in doing so, she found she had a knack for helping others in the same boat as well when she kept talking.

“You see, I had to realize that I wasn’t just losing my mom, I was losing everything that came with her. No longer was I getting book recommendations or clothing ideas and mentions of little things my mother had seen throughout the day… all that was gone,” Abbie said trying to allow herself to breathe through the sentences so that she wouldn’t start to tear up and lose her place.

She looked down at her phone. The next part was key. “But I adapted. I realized that I have her memory and if I keep talking about her memory, if I keep REMEMBERING her, and I mean REMEMBER with a capital R” she smiled at the crowd, “That she doesn’t go away completely. She is just in a different form. My mother is all around me you see. I believe that, and I feel her. No matter what you believe, we go on with our memories and the memories keep our people alive.” She stopped there and took in a breath and held it for 3 counts. 1-2-3…

“I loved my mother dearly, as you all loved and cared about your dear friend or family member, your George. It’s obvious from this great turnout here,” she said with a smile. “Just remember, the pain isn’t linear, it goes all over the place. There were once 5 stages of grief, now we hear in certain circles that there are 7 stages. It is a lot for anyone to manage and to deal with and handle. You are not alone though. Look around this room. You all loved George and have memories of him. Lean on your friends. Lean on your family. Lean on your people. I can’t stress this enough. You love each other and deserve to get help from one another and to have the benefit of helping each other,” she said as she sighed lightly then. “And finally, remember… you will make it through. You didn’t ask for this, and no one knows why these things happen, but you will make it through to the other side. Thank you all for listening.” She smiled and clasped her hands together in a fold and took two steps backwards from the podium. She smiled again and looked around the room and gave a little wave and turned and walked back to her table up front next to Ryan, who jumped up quickly and gave a huge bear hug, (In front of the entire room!) to Abbie. He then softly kissed her cheek.

“Thank you,” he whispered in her ear, which was the most intimate thing any man had done to her in years. He was thanking her for being there for him in his friend’s death and for being the one to tell the room how to help themselves. To move on forward. Sometimes that’s all we need is someone else’s perspective. Sometimes, that is all we need to get the help we truly need and the help we deserve.

After dessert and some light music playing in the background, Abbie looked at her watch. It was 9:30 PM and she needed to get home. She didn’t like driving in the dark, especially at this time of year, and in heels!

“Ryan, I’m going to head home. Thank you so much for having me,” Abbie said as she stood up and put on her black pea coat over her pretty dress. She felt dazzling. The speech she had given had gone off without a hitch to an ovation of claps and smiles. After her speech the captain of the fire squad went to the podium and formally thanked her and asked the room for another round of applause.

It was a good night, and what a wonderful way to get started on the holiday’s week. It was December 18, exactly a week before Christmas. She couldn’t wait to see lots of friends over the holidays and to spend some quality time with some books she needed to catch up on reading. Four years ago, before her mom had passed away, her mom had recommended her 50 favorite books on a list and she wanted to finally, finally start working on that list. And that she would.

“I’ll walk you out,” Ryan said as he stood up.

She let him walk her out, even though she thought maybe he should stay with his friends in the room, but the room was taking care of itself it seemed. A few others had begun to trickle out, and she wanted to get home and get to that book list!

“Ryan, thank you for walking me to my car,” Abbie said as they approached the SUV parked near a tree by the curb. The tree had clear Christmas lights on it. It looked so pretty, so festive.

Suddenly Ryan’s breath got husky. As she turned around, Ryan’s lips found hers and they fell into each other’s embrace.

When Abbie pulled away after a few seconds, her breath was taken from her.
“Wow, I didn’t expect that, um, wow,” Abbie said.

“I hope that is okay, and if not with the center, then I don’t have to be your student in group, if that means I can’t ask you out formally,” Ryan laughed and looked at Abbie with hopeful eyes.

“You have my number. We will talk,” Abbie smiled. Ryan opened her car door, and she slid onto the tan leather seat. It was a little cold, but she would warm it up soon with the butt warmer or the “butt seat” as she was used to calling it. It was always a treat on a cold night. Ryan closed her door, and she started her car. She opened the window, and he grabbed her hand through it.

“Thank you, for this night. It is so appreciated. It means the world,” Ryan said and then he pulled away. He smiled at her one last time and watched her as she drove off into the night to the comfort of her home, to the comfort of her cat and her warm cozy bed. She was thrilled because she found a new friend and she also found a new way to deal with her grief. In her loss, and in this time of year, celebrating who she did have was the best thing for her as she had found out, and she would continue to do that all through the year.

(TO BE CONTINUED…) …

THIS WINTER!

Did you love reading about Abbie and Ryan’s newfound friendship? Well, you’re in luck. Another three-part series to this story will be released THIS WINTER… look for it in your Substack posts and check my Twitter (X) feed for more information and details to come (@me0wmixlaura). Thanks for reading along and thanks as always for reading my writing!

-xoxo-

LWB*